Almost There
by Remnantofthelegacy
Summary: A look into an event in Purgatory # Dean/Castiel #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural


Castiel observed his surroundings with extreme focus. His eyes went from location to location as they took note of everything that was happening. They were lucky to have him, a living flashlight in the dark nights that came as one of the perks of this living hell. It was quiet in Purgatory, the quietest version of it he had ever seen since his arrival. But, it wasn't an eerie type of silence that led to a battle: it was the peaceful kind.

As Castiel looked at the area and walked around, another set of eyes watched him. These eyes were a human set, and as the seconds grew longer their owner grew impatient. Dean Winchester yawned loudly to alert Cas of this, but Castiel continued to ignore him. If Dean was going to sleep tonight, then he was going to sleep in pure safety.

"So Legolas, tell me what your elf eyes see," Dean joked. Cas turned around ready to attack whoever this Legolas was until he realized that Dean was referring to him with another nickname. Dean took note of the slight panic in Castiel's eyes, forgetting as he always did, of this angels lack of knowledge pertaining to pop culture. He knew how hard Cas was working to make things right; he could see the guilt in his eyes every time they talked.

Unknown rustling from a bush behind them caused them both to turn around once again. Dean prepared his weapon, a blade made from the bones of a species he was unaware of. It must have been a tooth that once belonged to a creature he was glad he never met. Cas moved stepped a few feet ahead Dean so he would be able to fend off any monster before it could get to the Winchester. Again, Dean took note. This was how he acted ever since their reunion in Purgatory.

A tall man wearing a hat and a black coat emerged from the bush, and as he did Dean lowered his weapon. He trotted down the hill toward them with a weapon mimicking Dean's in his hand. When he reached the bottom of the hill, he engaged in conversation.

"It's all clear," he said with a Louisiana accent on his tongue, "now get some rest Sleeping Beauty. Before the monsters come." Dean looked over to Cas for reassurance.

"There isn't a monster in sight," Cas replied. The man with the hat rolled his eyes in annoyance and went to go sit on a nearby rock.

He dropped his weapon and looked back at his ticket out of there. "What? You don't trust me," he asked. Dean shrugged. It wasn't that he didn't want to trust Benny, in fact he had before. But with Cas in the group now, he didn't know how Benny would react. He wasn't sure what Benny would do. He wasn't sure if Benny would leave his angel to die without a second thought, and in order to trust him he needed conformation. He needed to know Castiel would be safe if shit hit the fan.

"Don't take it to heart Benny. I don't trust anyone." Dean replied in a casual tone. Cas walked up to them to join the conversation. His observation was finished: the coast was clear.

"That's not true Dean," the angel interjected," you used to trust me." A slight pain glosses over his words. _Used to. _He remembered how much trust Dean put into him over the years. He knew how at times it seemed he trusted him more than he ever did Sam. Most importantly, he knew how hard it was for Dean to trust anyone, and how many bridges he broke when he betrayed him.

Cas isn't the only one to have taken a look into these words. Dean caught hold of them too.

"Yeah, well Cas. You're different." the Winchester yawned again.

"Go to sleep Dean. Another long day awaits us tomorrow. Enjoy this while you can," Castiel told him as he sat down on a rock next to Benny. Dean nodded and walked away from the two of them; he looked for a place that might have been comfortable.

"I don't understand," Benny said a few moments later as they were observing Dean pick a place.

"What don't you understand," Castiel asked with pure curiosity. There were many things he didn't understand either. He didn't understand why he survived this long, nor could he comprehend why Dean refused to leave him. This world, this life, was confusing to him.

"How come he needs to sleep, but he never needs to eat or drink. It just doesn't make any sense." Benny answered. Castiel contemplated for a moment. This question never really came into his mind. He always just assumed.

"Eating and drinking those are things monsters and humans alike feel on Earth. It's an urge only felt there. But, sleeping is from the soul. The urge to sleep, to rest comes directly from there. That's why monsters don't need to sleep Benny. Your soul has been changed to less than human. Angels, we've never had a soul. We've never been human. The energy I get that leaves myself constantly awake is from my grace. I'll never sleep here, and neither will you." Castiel finished. Benny was amazed by the angel's answer.

"That was deep Cas," he said. Castiel nodded and continued to watch Dean.

An hour or so later Benny went to go wash up in a nearby stream. Cas chose to remain where he was as he saw washing up in this dirt place seemed to become more and more useless as the time went by. He also refused to leave Dean by himself just in case anything were to happen.

It took Dean forever to find a comfortable area to lay down. He hated Purgatory. He hated the stench, and the dirt, but most importantly: he hated being dirty. That was actually an interesting trait for a hunter to have. Where others didn't mind being unorganized and unclean, Dean took pride in his organizational skills and value of cleanliness. This place only made him miss earth for that very reason.

At the moment, with the refusal to lay on the dirty ground, he used his jacket as a barrier between him and it. He didn't need worms or other creatures crawling into his mouth or nose while he slept. Without his jacket on, it was very cold. You see, Purgatory was like a desert. By day, the area was like a giant boiling put, but at night it turned into a refrigerator.

Dean shivered as another breeze swept by him. _Warm thoughts. Warm thoughts and you will be able to sleep_. He thought. He began to think of home and all things he enjoyed in life causing him to begin to drift off, but when another breeze hit him, he was woken again. He soon began to believe that he would never get to sleep.

Castiel continued to watch Dean struggle with the cold. He fought with himself on whether or not he should see what he could do to help. That side of him won.

Cas picked himself up from his seat and walked over to Dean. He let a bit of his grace shine so he could get to the Winchester without actually startling him in the process. Dean, faced in the opposite direction noticed the light getting closer and turned toward its source.

"Heya Cas," Dean said as he tried to wake himself up even more. He was confused as to why Castiel was bothering him here and right now. He squinted through the light and Cas turned it down a bit.

"You are cold," Castiel stated the obvious.

"No, I'm not," Dean lied through his chattering teeth. In this weather, lying was the worst thing to do.

Cas began to take off his trench coat leaving him only with a short sleeve shirt on. He kept it out toward Dean. "Take my coat," he said. Dean stared at the angel. His next response was so human.

"Won't you get cold?" he asked as he looked at the coat he hadn't taken yet. It was dirty and mangled from the time here: a sight he had never seen before.

"I'm an angel. We don't get cold." Dean still hadn't taken the coat, so Cas placed it on him. Dean struggled underneath; he pushed back against Castiel's force to no avail.

"Oh come on Cas this smells. I don't want it on me," Dean said fighting back a laugh. Cas continued to try to place it on Dean who kept on fussing around. His hand brushed against the angel's which was so warm in this cold.

"You won't fall asleep in this cold and we need you alert for tomorrow." Cas said. Dean stopped struggling and accepted his fate. The smell wasn't that bad. It was Cas after all. The angel sat down next to Dean.

"You're like a freakin night light. That's so cool." Dean said a bit drowsier than before. He yawned again.

Castiel ignored him and focused on more pressing matters. "Are you warm?" he asked with concern in his tone. Dean was warmer than before, but not warm enough to be comfortable.

"Warmer, but not warm enough," he replied. And that is when Castiel did something unexpected. He got up, moved over and then laid right next to Dean underneath his trench coat. Dean didn't say a word as he was confused as to what was happening. Castiel placed an arm around Dean's torso and pulled him closer. Dean's breath hitched and his heart beat sped up.

"Cas, what are you-" the angel interrupted him.

"You said you were cold Dean. I'm very warm. I can provide you with warmth." Dean remained silent. He was getting warmer, but his heartbeat refused to go back to normal. Why was Cas doing this? Why was he willing to cuddle with Dean, and why hadn't Dean thought of this before. He did daydream about it a few times; he figured it would remain a day dream that would never become a part of reality.

That's when it hit Cas. All the personal space talks Dean ever had with him rushed at him. He pulled away slightly, but Dean inched closer. He rested his head on Castiel's chest and held unto his back with his other arm. The angel stopped breathing and his heartbeat sped up.

"Am I...am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked. He guessed he wasn't by Dean's reaction; it couldn't hurt to ask though.

Dean buried his head further into Castiel's chest. This was good. This was great. This was the most comfortable he had been in years.

"No Cas, you aren't." He looked up at the angels face. The worried expression easily slid into relief. "Are you?" Cas looked down at Dean. His expression was expectant.

He was as comfortable as an angel can possibly get anywhere. "I'm very comfortable." Dean nodded and they continued to remain in silence.

Dean didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to phrase his words. All he knew was that this felt right. It felt like years and years of tension finally going away between the two. He didn't know if the angel was experiencing the same things he was: he didn't know if the angel was going through what he was going through.

As Dean contemplated his words, Cas looked up at the night sky. Purgatory was very much like earth, but at the same time it was extremely different. It had trees, but these trees were of a species unknown to man. These trees were tall, yet thin, and constantly swayed in the wind with the illusion of falling over at anytime. They had greyish leaves rather than the green ones so common to earth. Purgatory also had streams, rivers, and lakes, but the water felt so much different. It felt less clean, and it's very existence was difficult for even the smartest of angels to describe with words. The air of Purgatory appeared thicker and the dirt was treated with a new variety of minerals creating a new sort of brown. It was empty, aside from the monsters, yet it was beautiful. The fact that it was so unique in style magnified this beauty even more. It was disgusting, yet amazing.

The stars were the same. No matter where Castiel went, the stars never changed. They were the one thing that remained constant in his ever changing life.

Dean followed Castiel's gaze only to point out the obvious after a few minutes of careful observation.

He was befuddled by this discovery. "The stars are the same," he let out. Hope began to form in his chest. If the stars were the same than maybe...

"The stars are the same in every realm. Heaven, Hell, Earth, Purgatory. That's how God wanted it. It's beautiful." The hope died and was replaced with disappointment.

"Why?" Dean asked. He didn't see a point to that. Why even make stars here and why make them the same?

"Because God believed you humans would love his stars. He believed every creature would use them as a guide, and as a result every creature deserved to experience the hope that came with these stars. He believed the saints and the sinners should continue to observe the same stars to remind them of the world they once lived in, and the cross they must now carry. It's both beautiful and sad." Castiel replied. For once, Dean wasn't angry at God. At that moment, though he never met him, he believed he understood God and his intentions. Everyone, needs a little bit of hope to continue going about with their lives, whether that be demon, angel, monster, or human.

Benny was using the stars to lead them out of Purgatory. Dean and Castiel were his ship, and he was their captain leading them into safety. He was following what the other vampires and werewolves told him: look at the stars. This was the hope the monsters carried with them. They believed that if one were lucky enough to be led by one of them up above, one would be free from the shackles of eternal life.

"Would you like to hear a story Gabriel told me when I was a young fledging?" Castiel asked Dean. They both continue to look at the stars.

"Hit me,"

"I still... I have to still believe in this Dean. So, don't belittle it okay?" Dean was hurt by Castiel's suggestion. At first, he didn't know why Cas would ever think of that, but then he remembered how many times he treated the angels beliefs and problems like they were miniscule.

"Okay." A breeze passed over the two of them. This time the Winchester didn't shudder from the cold; this time he was warm.

"Gabriel was alive when God was creating the world. All four of the archangels were: Gabriel, Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael. They were children at this time, so they behaved very much like human children do. They fought, but they played. Now my father saw all of this and was happy. He created the earth as a gift for them to protect and cherish. He let them help him make the oceans and the land that you humans have walked on. That's actually why you have some very strange looking animals; my brothers got very creative. Anyway, when my father was done, the night sky was still dark. Darker than this, darker than anything known to man. So, he asked each and everyone of them to come up with any idea of what to put up in there." Cas looked down at Dean to make sure he was still paying attention before continuing. He still was.

"Gabriel and Michael had thought of other planets. Raphael was the one who suggested the sun and the moon, but Lucifer was the one who suggested the stars. Now, the sun is a star yes, but the stars Lucifer suggested were different. At the time, he still loved everything. He asked our father to place a piece of the souls of every living creature in the night sky. Animals, humans everything. Our father was happy with that, and he was also proud of Lucifer for thinking that way. So, he fixed the idea, by allowing a piece of every fallen creature to go up into the night sky and turn into stars. Any angel who died, a piece of them would remain up there. It was fair, and it put us all as equal. I never knew how much truth was in this story because Gabriel was always making up wild tales to disturb and confuse me, and at times I lost faith in his truth. But the night that he died, I noticed a new star in the distance, and I believed. I have to. Does that sound strange to you?" Castiel finished his story, content with how he expressed his beliefs. He didn't expect Dean to have a response.

"So the dead are basically guiding us through life. That's interesting. It makes sense." Dean responded.

Out of pure curiosity Castiel asked," did you see the stars in hell?" Dean froze. He never talked to anyone about his time in hell. There was a brief moment with Sam, but he figured it was his burden to carry and not anyone else. Even after Sam went took a vacation there too, they both kept it to themselves.

Dean recalls his time there. "Sometimes, but I figured I was imagining things as a way to escape."

"That's how I led you out of hell. I believe that's how Benny is leading us toward the portal out of here. I just wish we knew what stars to follow." Dean heard the angels words, but was more focused on the topic of hell. Cas risked his life for him there. He injured himself severely as he saw when Castiel showed him the shadow of his messed up wings, and many angels died for the life of one man. Many monsters were killed once again for the life of one angel.

"I never actually thanked you for that. Pulling me out of hell and everything. I know it was your job, but still thanks. And I'm sorry for screwing up your life. You wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me and my brother." Dean said. Castiel paused to look Dean in the eyes.

"You've thanked me enough Dean. And you didn't screw up my life, you and your brother made it better. I'm different than I was before and I'm okay with that because I'm who I'm meant to be now. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world even if I was given the chance. There isn't anyone I'd rather be with, right here, right now than you." That's the second time Dean realizes Castiel is in love with him. The first was when they reunited in Purgatory weeks ago, and Cas began explaining why he chose to leave Dean behind, why he constantly chose to protect Dean. That was also the time the Winchester realized why he was so angry with his angel: he loved him too.

Dean moved his arm toward Castiel's and intertwined his fingers with the angel's. Cas's hands were rough and calloused from years and years of use, indicating Jimmy, his vessel must have done hands on work -in fact, Jimmy was interested in woodworking before Castiel took over his body-. Dean thought of Jimmy, but remembered what Cas told him years ago. Jimmy Novak was dead and in heaven, this was pure Cas.

The angel accepted Dean's gesture and locked his fingers with his. The warmth was spreading between the both of them. Dean then moved up slightly before nearing towards Castiel's face. He placed his lips on his and they kissed. Years and years of sexual tension evaporated in that instant now replaced with something new, something different. Castiel had never been so human before. Sure he looked human, but he was an angel thick and through. At that very moment, he felt anything but.

Dean pulled away first causing Castiel to open his eyes. The stared at each others, hearts pounding in their ears.

"I love you," they both said at the same time. Both of them smiled with this realization and Cas pulled Dean in closer. He stared up at the sky as Dean fell asleep on his chest. This was the first time Dean slept comfortably in ages, and it wouldn't be the last. Cas remained frozen in his spot, terrified yet pleased. Dean Winchester had just made it very hard for Castiel to follow through with his plans, and he made it harder for the angel to leave.

In the dark, at the rock sat Benny, who after cleaning himself up came back to his original spot. He saw the whole thing and was pleased. This is why Dean wouldn't leave Cas; this is why he never gave up on searching for him and Benny finally understood.


End file.
